Below are the 25 most recent journal entries.
The Sailor Moon Edition!
Reporter Hell Hosh reporting (yes, again) LIVE, from Crystal Tokyo! (actually, I'm getting hammered and frisky with the Amazon Trio at the Dead Moon Circus bar, but we won't go there..)
I insist that you pay hommage to this "diverse" bunch. Or "in the name of the Moon-I WILL punish you!" (though some of you would like that, I'm sure...)
THE AMAZON TRIO (again, first, because the villains RULE)
OTHER MINIONS OF THE DEAD MOON CIRCUS
THE THREE LIGHTS/SAILOR STARLIGHTS
THE SAILOR SCOUTS
Reporter Hell Hosh
The 80's Cartoon Band Nostaglia Edition!
The Tabloid is PLEASED to announce the arrival of Reporter Hell Hosh's CHILDHOOD IDOLS!
What I speak of, kiddies, is the JEM mania of the eighties. And, since "they are the Misfits" and "they're songs are better"-they will be listed FIRST!
And (even though they're WAY too goody goody for my liking...I'll plug them, anyway)..
JEM AND THE HOLOGRAMS
Reporter Hell Hosh
Middle Earth Continues Invasion
Reporter Hell Hosh has caught a cold and has neither the time nor energy to be witty. So let's get straight to it.
MORE LORD OF THE RINGS CREATURES AND CO.
Horn of Gondor
And a different approach-
THE LOTR *ACTORS*
Reporter Hell Hosh (and a box of tissues)
ps. Ahem. *taps foot* Where are the other Tabloid reporters? Am I the only one with enough balls to beat off burly celebrity bodyguards with my spiked purse?!
The Fast Food Invasion
No darlings, you are NOT dreaming
They DO live. And we, at The Tabloid, have exposed them.
The Chicken Sandwhich
I'm starved. I should leave before I injest the sandwhich.
Reporter Hell Hosh
A Blast From The Past
Well. If we may have fingers, band aids, drapery, furniture and toiletries with journals, we may add famed rotting corpses to the list. The Tabloid is pleased to present:
We are NOT worthy! *bows*
And to further wet your appetite for history, a legacy even more ancient than the Pharaoh's....
Michael J. Fox
Reporter Hell Hosh
Whoops! Been neglecting my duties!
Much thanks to everyone who's written in with suggestions, and many apologies for being so slow on the uptake on my end...
And say hello to the wrestling community: RussoWroteIt!
Special thanks to Jason for the O-Town/Olsen Twins scoop (!) and Rhiannon for the Smallville lead.
Call the authorities!
We've just discovered an alien parading as a human! And Heaven have mercy, she's GOT A LIVEJOURNAL!!!!!
3rd Rock from the Sun's Sally Solomon
On a different "neck" of the woods...
We also came across another Brat Prince lurking.
So that's a bloodstained collar to add to my broken stiletto heel. *sneer*
You readers had better appreciate my sacrifice.
Reporter Hell Hosh
We Like 'Em Old.
We at The Tabloid have uncovered yet more secret LJ celebrities. This batch, a group of crazy old buggers. Sure, they are wrinkled and withered. But God help them if that means they will stay humble and silent.
THE GOLDEN GIRLS
Also, at the request of the good Wizard:
Extra extra! The feisty Gandalf was spotted on Saturday Night Live this weekend! And word has it, he was getting quite "frisky" with a certain saucy green fairy....*tsk tsk*
Bless you, old man.
Reporter Hell Hosh (the feisty young'un)
White Dwarf reporting.
My, my, you just can't trust those Saiy-jins can you? Seems like Gokou and his little friends are up to mischief as usual.
If preparing for the Tenkaichi Budoukai (that's the Worlds Martial Arts competition for those of us who live in the USA and don't buy the fansubs) wasn't enough, that little gang of wide eyed folks are up to all sorts of things.
Seems that Gokou couldn't let the dead rest, so he had to gather up the dragon balls and bring his brother, Raditz, back. Excuse me, Gokou, isn't that playing in God's...er I mean Kami... or is it Dende's? backyard? I thought we were supposed to leave the dead to whatever fate decided for them, not bring them back on some whim. Tsk tsk.
But it seems in the DBZ world, the dead never lie quietly. (How annoying) In their world you get all sorts of fringe benifits by being dead. Seems that Goku's dad, Bardock has his own laptop and journal as well. I guess there are some perks in being the commander of Hell's army. And, being the generous sort he is, he's even given his third-in-command, Brolli computer time so he can update his own journal. How thoughtful of him. A little warning about Brolli, if you should "run into him" he's not very talkative right now and has a very sorted past. Don't worry, big fellow. You stick with Bardock and you'll be on the right path in no time. And maybe, you can reconcile with your long lost daughter, Vezelay. Okay, so she wasn't created the good old-fashioned way (my personal favorite) but she's still your daughter. Spend some quality journaltime with her! You'll feel better in the long run.
As we might expect, being able to chat with the dead via livejournal is not enough for this group, oh no. It seems that the Prince of All Saiy-jins, that sexgod himself, Vegeta has decided to organize a little trip into space to find (you're going to love this one) The Library. That's right, apparently our puny little earth libraries aren't good enough for Vegeta, he has to find a special space library. Hope you have your library card, Vegeta! He's bringing all the Saiy-jins and part Saiy-jins with him. Mother nature is sure glad to hear about that, seeing how that gang is always "redecorating" her place, by blowing up mountains.
We had a little trouble in the romance department recently. Seems that ChiChi had enough of Gokou's constant "Bye honey, I'm off to save the world! Mind if I take the kids?" and raised a bit of a fuss. But you'll all sleep easier now knowing that true love never dies and they've made amends.
My, I do go on, don't I? Well, let me tell you, these folks give you lots to talk about. I could just go on all day about the whacky things they get into. But, unfortunately, I have to skiddadle out of here. My Psychic advisor is at the door.
Until next time the gang is up to mischief (which you all know will be soon!) This is White Dwarf, signing off!
We've expanded our coverage into the ancient past -- here's a warm welcome to Gabrielle and Ares. Don't miss the former's candid photos from last night's Sunnydale party!
PS: I've also just added Sango from "Inu-Yasha" and another Willow from Buffy:TVS. Hello, you two!
And The Middle Earth Fails To Rest....
Yes, believe it or not, that danged Middle Earth grows yet again. We can barely keep up, here at The Tabloid. I already broke a stiletto heel trying to chase after that Horse of Rohan for a photograph. DAMNIT.
MORE MIDDLE EARTHEAN FUN
A New Boromir
Yet Another Boromir
Yet Another Galadriel
Man of Rohan
Phew. And that's just the beginning. Lucky for you, we hardworking Tabloid reporters have become a little too lazy to list the rest of the horde. For now.
I have to nurse my broken heel. *scoff*
Reporter Hell Hosh
Changing of the guard...
Hello, folks! The Tabloid is now a closed community. No worries, nothing has really changed -- we'll keep adding celebs to our tabs list and we still welcome readers. However, we're opening the floor up to anyone who wants to "report" the best gossip from any fakejournal community they know best.
Please apply to the editor if you would like to have posting access as a "reporter." All of our reporters are free to either use their existing accounts or this one. Anyone using "onthebeat" to bring you the news will be required to sign off with a pseudonym...and that's all you'll ever know of their identity. Mysterious, eh?
In my case, however, I will continue to operate as a known quantity. If you have any questions or requests, don't hesitate to contact me.
PS: See you at Buffy's party tonight!
-- K. (Editor)
Tonight in Sunnydale. Don't miss it! Don't forget to bring a dish or a gift for the hostess.
Happy (almost) St. Patrick's Day, readers!
Wow! The following links were all provided by Hellbelle, who gets a free year's subscription to The Tabloid plus the spectacular Swimsuit Edition!
She also supplied some new Middle-Earthers, but we'll save those for another full installment. It's crazy over there. And don't miss our special guest The Oscar Statuette! He's the most popular star in Hollywood, you know...
A quick and dirty update
Sorry this issue isn't pretty, but we've got a lot of renovating going on behind the scenes! Here's your fix for the day:
hellmouth, middle_earth, must_be_pop, saiyjins_unite, & studio_54
badmans_girl, bourei, brollisdaughter, desert_bandit, fin_katt, generalbardock, gotens, namek_warrior, prince_vegeta, raditz, sath, son_of_vegeta, & tienshinhan
amy_madison, buffy_bot, hellsglory, just_a_key, lady_drusilla, magicboxdemon, misskfantastico, vampdru, xander_harris, & xandman2000
agent_smith, ratkrycek, mumm_ra, & heman
We highly recommend agent_smith & heman. And a special thanks to misskfantastico for getting us working on this update!
PS: Input from an expert in the field of X-Files fakejournals would be much appreciated. Poor Krycek looks so lonely on our list...and we'd just love an excuse to use that toxic green we've slated for our X-Files celebs...
Special Edition: Now Hiring!
The Tabloid is probably soon going to become a community, open only to characters, celebrities, and reporters. "Reporters?" you say? Yup! My job as editor is to find you folks, but it would take a brain the size of Ohio to actually keep up with all the "communities" involved!
To that end, I am seeking someone (or someones) who would be willing to sign into The Tabloid at least once a week (or more!) to bring the world a quick condensation of the best gossip in your own particular field of specialization -- be it rockstar, celeb, anime, tv show, movie, or any other fakejournal "community" you follow on a daily basis. It's fun, it's easy, it's prestigeous...well, okay, that's debateable, but I COULD create a nifty little press-pass "badge" graphic you could paste into your profile. Idea? Hrm!
This offer is open to both participants AND devoted groupies, so if this sounds like fun (and if you're sure you can do it, no slackers please!) just give me a holler. And please pass this link on to any hubs of "fakejournal" activity you are aware of!
This is getting completely out of hand...
Sorry for our readers on the boyband/Buffy fronts, but we've had to temporarily reassign reporters' beats to bring in the ongoing flood of additions from Middle Earth. Now on the roster:
We also have three legends making a comeback appearance: Luthien, Queen Beruthiel, and the the ghost of Isildur.
Last but not least, let's have a hearty red-carpet welcome for a duplicate king and queen of Lorien (Celeborn & Galadriel) and another One Ring. Okay, so that's an oxymoron, but hey -- we here at the Tabloid say you can never have too many all-powerful items of corruption!
In other news, the reply to our poll was lackluster at least. Is this about the two-page Martha Stewart photoshoot spread in our last issue? How many times do we have to apologize for that? She WAS wearing doilies, you lot! Irregardless (as the illiterate would say), we'll take your input under consideration...
Should THE TABLOID become a community?
Click here for details. You get to vote! Ain't democracy cool?
LOTR Edition #3: Good Lord, They're Breeding!
Whew! We here at The Tabloid hate to seem fixated, but there's more of these middle-Earth refugees on a daily basis! Now on the Hollywood Tour are:
Plus a mixed pack of spouses (spice?) and offspring:
We've also spotted a second Celebrian, but so far she hasn't had much to say... PS: Mr. Lurtz, our bill for two broken cameras (and one broken reporter) is in the mail.
More Tolkieny goodness, 24/7!
You wanted more celebrities from Middle-Earth, o loyal readers? The Tabloid delivers! Our paparazzi are now also stalking the One Ring, Rose Gamgee-Cotton, Shelob, Treebeard, and another Legolas!
UPDATE: The reporter we assigned to cover Shelob was eaten. Then again, this happens regularly to our newshounds on the Hello Kitty beat. They knew the risks when they signed up...
Special LOTR Edition!
Straight from the movie screen (or more precisely from the classic book trilogy, which you'd know if you had more than two brain cells to rub together you buncha screaming fangirls, you know who you are, back off or the elf gets it!) The Tabloid is proud to present:
The Fellowship: Gandalf, Aragorn, Boromir, Gimli, Legolas, Merry, Pippin, Frodo, and Sam!
The Bad Guys: Sauron, Saruman, a Ringwraith, and another Ringwraith!
Supporting Cast: Elrond, Arwen, Galadriel, Bilbo, and Gollum!
Special Guest Stars From The Next Movie/Book: Faramir and Eowyn!
Give 'em a round of applause, ladies and gents, and please don't use flash photography around the dwarf. He gets testy.
And you thought this rag had gone under? Hah-HAH! Hardly! We just had a few...er...lawsuit...thingys...to take care of. You know how it is.
Mainly, this message to alert you to our stupendous new circulation! Three exhausting all-nighters on the part of our managing editor have resulted in the addition of over *250* big names to our exciting surveillance roster. Go see! Be amazed! Wow!
Aw, to heck with all this hyped-up enthusiasm. We're going to bed. Have fun -- and whatever you do, don't feed the celebrities.
Add just a dash of "bitch"...
Look what our legal correspondent Melissa B. found under a rock -- joancrawford AND tinacrawford! Hide the vodka, this one's gonna get ugly-- ah, no, wait, it already is. Duck!
Special "Ya Gotta Have Faith" Edition!
Thanks in part to diligent cub reporter annlarimer, we have a few guests from On High (and Down Below) joining us this afternoon. Get those cameras a-poppin' to welcome almightygod, the pope, and surprise guest star satan! Actually, we're not too sure about ol' Satan there, but we'll give him (her?) a shot.
We're also considering adding jesus_christ to the line-up, but after that close-up photo of the, er, Holy Fount (if you get my drift)...well, even THE TABLOID has standards. Visit this Messiah's digs at your own risk.
And say, lucifer? Promising beginning, dahling, but no follow-through. Get back to work! Your followers are partying it up in your absence, and it's getting pretty hairy...I mean, yikes! Rampant uncensored philosophy everywhere!
Other Religious One-Shots:
Hot off the presses!
Speaking of the White House, we're proud to present our new direct hotline to the man a bullet away: dick_cheney. No, he's not dead yet.
In other news, miss_cleo still hasn't scored with ronpopeil, gokou and vegita are apparently on speaking terms, and kate_moss allegedly ate an entire Tic-Tac. What this means, we aren't sure yet.